by Kara Mayer Robinson

THERE’S A LOT YOU CAN DO TO MANAGE HOLIDAY STRESS.

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s a start.

Back story: Mayim Bialik asked me to be a guest on her podcast to talk about how stressful the holidays can be and share tips on how to manage better. We really connected when she was on my show and I appreciated her invitation to share my insights as a therapist.

Listen or watch us on both shows here.

To prepare for her show, I made a list of common sources of stress during the holidays and practical tips. Here, I’m sharing my (admittedly rough) notes with you. If you use anything, let me know how it goes!

THE BIG PICTURE

You’ll handle holiday stress wayyyy better if you take good care of yourself before and during the holidays. Here’s how.

• Take time for self care.

• Keep up with your routines (exercise, regular tasks, meetups).

• Stay on top of your medications and therapy appointments.

• Try proven relaxation strategies (meditation, deep breathing, music, visualization, journaling).

• Skip drugs and alcohol. They exacerbate anxiety and depression symptoms.

• Surround yourself with good people. No matter how busy you are, make time for people who understand and support you.

• Avoid toxic people. How do you know if they’re toxic? They ooze negativity; you feel bad after being with them.

• Lean on your support system. Think about how bad they’d feel if they knew you were struggling and didn’t ask them for help.

• Do what’s right for you, not what you think you SHOULD do simply because it’s the holidays.

TIPS FOR SELF CARE

• Eat well. Within reason! It’s ok to splurge here and there but if you’re swapping foods that make you feel good overall with foods that are loaded with sugar, you’ll feel lousy all-around.

• Exercise. You don’t have commit to a big fitness routine. A daily, brisk walk outside counts.

• Sleep well, but don’t stress if you have trouble sleeping. It’ll work itself out.

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES

• Deep breathing

• Focused breathing

• Guided imagery (picture yourself somewhere relaxing and feel it with all your senses)

• Get a massage

• Massage the palms of your hands in small circles

• Tense your muscles one at a time, then slowly release the tension.

THE POWER OF YOUR MIND

How you see a situation makes a HUGE difference in how you handle it. Remember: Your thoughts are a choice.

• Recognize rumination. Then break the cycle. Rumination is when you have the same thought, circling in your brain over and over again without resolution. If you spot it, acknowledge it and you’ll break the cycle.

• Reframe the situation. For example, if you feel like your mother-in-law is being rude and demanding, try reframing it as “She must be really stressed to be acting this way. Instead of feeling upset and victimized, I’ll try offering her help or stepping back from the situation.”

TIPS FOR DEALING WITH YOUR FAMILY DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Family gatherings can be stressful. Here’s how to ride the waves.

• Prepare yourself emotionally.

  • Expect the usual. Better to prepare for it than to expect something different (read: better).

  • Plan ahead. Know how you’ll handle typical situations.

  • Recognize old patterns and see them for what they are — old and no longer necessary.

  • Know your triggers so you can avoid them.

  • Know your (false?) narratives so you can challenge and reframe them.

  • Respect your personal boundaries. If someone tries to cross them, simply say “thank you but I’m not going to engage with this right now.”

• Create and use mental health tools.

  • Try self-soothing mantras or affirmations.

  • Prepare scripts for healthy responses to things that may set you off.

  • Plan an early out. Give a reason you may leave early at the beginning of the family gathering.

• Prevent problems.

  • Instead of long hours of heated discussions or family debates, plan an activity. Bring a game or photo album so you don’t end up stuck with the same (controversial) topics.

  • Do what you can do be comfortable. Wear clothes you feel good in. Bring a partner who feels safe. Have conversation topics ready.

• Bring a buddy.

  • Have a buddy before, during and after stressful gatherings.

  • Create an escape signal (like Elaine and Jerry had in Seinfeld).

• If you feel your blood boil…

  • Think Cash Cab. Phone a friend. Do a social media shout-out.

  • Think about your family member’s imperfections. We all have foibles. Try to leave a little space for them.

  • Step outside and into the sun.

  • Know when to end unproductive conversations.

  • Don’t feel like you have to defend yourself. It creates a negative cycle.

  • If you decide to address it directly, try these “I” statements, which can be very successful at creating healthier discussions:

    • I feel…

    • I feel upset when…

    • I’m afraid that…

    • I understand that…

    • I appreciate that…

• Don’t be afraid to leave while things are still good!

HOW TO CRUSH STRESS FROM YOUR TO-DO LIST AND PERFECTIONISM

If perfectionism is your thing, it’s time to let go. Nobody wins when you feel like your holidays have to be perfect.

• No more guilt. Plain and simple. You’re not perfect, nor should you be. Plus, doing it all doesn’t make anyone perfect.

  • Perfection equals paralysis. If you’re expecting perfection, don’t be surprised if it steers you in the opposite direction. It’s a common human cycle.

• Instead of buying things, create new traditions or memories.

• Toss holiday traditions you don’t like.

• Feeling overwhelmed? Try these options:

  • Say no to obligations that make you stressed.

  • Say yes, but do it by choice. Recognize and remember your “why.”

  • Make a list of everything you need to do. Delete tasks that aren’t “musts.” Take the big things and break them into smaller, easy-to-do chunks. Cross every little thing off when you do it and bask in the joyful feeling!

Now go be you, do your thing and surround yourself with the people you love. And remember: The holidays don’t last forever. (Phew!)

xo Kara

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